First things first:
- We are pregnant.
- We are due Dec. 3, 2012. (Before 2013! Woot!)
Now that’s out-of-the-way, I can share a little bit about
our story. We have been trying to conceive since December of 2010. That’s 16
months. Almost 500 days.
While that might not seem long ago, a lot has happened to
Corey and I over those 16 months. Looking back on that year and a half, we had
a lot going on with our families, jobs, our household, and finances.
Also, it seemed like it was the season for my Facebook
friends to have babies. And lots of them! My newsfeed filled with stories of
new parenthood and quotes of how precious life is. And while that is exactly
what social media is for, ashamedly, those updates stung. When you are TTC
(what I quickly learned was Internet lingo for “trying to conceive”), every
encounter with something about pregnancy or babies were reminders of something
I desperately wanted, but somehow couldn’t have.
Seeing people around me having, as far as I could tell, no
trouble conceiving made me feel quite alone. Why was this my “story”? There’s
something human in us that is embarrassed, ashamed, and insecure about sharing
struggles and hardships with others.
There are 2.1 million married women in the United States who
have not been able to conceive in 12 consecutive months. That’s 7.4% of married women; that’s not even everyone!
In the U.S., 7.3 million women have used infertility services. I’m sure there are similar statistics for
pregnancy loss and post-partum depression.
Similar to the unrealistic expectations that advertisements
subliminally pass along to women about body image, I believe the same happens
with pregnancy. And we aren’t talking
about it. Even in the church. I believe we are ashamed, embarrassed, and
insecure when nature doesn’t go as “planned.”
Case at hand: a married couple decides they are ready to be
parents. The first time they have
unprotected sex, they eagerly anticipate seeing a positive sign on the
pregnancy test.
While that seems absurd, it’s what’s in the back of many
women’s minds. That’s usually the story that everyone hears. Chances are, your
story is going to be different.
And there’s nothing to be ashamed.
Embarrassed.
Or insecure about.
I believe that instead of sharing our stories, we hold them,
and forget about them once the adversity has passed. Once Corey and I have a
dribbly baby boy or girl, we won’t need to remember how we felt from December
2010-March 2012, right?
This is the reason I wanted to share my story. I believe we
have gotten pregnant in God’s perfect timing. And that our son or daughter is
purposed for something wonderful. I can’t say why it took 16 months when it
takes most couples well under a year. I do know a few things: (1) it’s not up
for me to decide, (2) God’s purpose wasn’t to test me or make me stronger, and
(3) I can’t wait to meet this new member of our family.
Here are some things I’ve learned and concluded over the
past 16 months:
- Married and trying to conceive? Start charting now! Learn about your body temperature and how it can detect the time of your ovulation.
- Know that your friends and family who ask when you are planning to start a family or tell you “it’s your turn,” mean well. They care about you. They want to see what cute concoction God will create from the two of you! While you are living it, it’s difficult, but they really do mean well.
- The world has always had babies and will continue to have babies. There were always babies in commercials. It’s likely that you will see a pregnant woman or new mom today. Friends and family members are having babies every year. Don’t take it as a sign that the universe is against you and rubbing it in your face.
- Live for today, not for tomorrow. Bible author James writes, “Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow.” While it’s great to desire exciting things of the future, we need to remember to live for today. One of my biggest struggles was desiring my future purpose of being a mom and seeing little value to what was currently around me. Instead of making me excited, this “future purpose” saddened and frustrated me because it was nowhere in sight and I desperately wanted to fast-forward my life, which is definitely NOT what God had planned.
- Once you start trying, you’ll become an expert at pregnancy symptoms. The trick is, everything is a pregnancy symptom and they can often contradict themselves. Extremely hungry? Pregnancy symptom. Nauseous and turned off by food? Pregnancy symptom. Tired or active, constipated or got the runs, have the chills or the sweats? You got it, pregnancy symptoms. I know it’s easier said than done, but really try not to focus on every little thing. The only real pregnancy symptoms you should be worried about when trying is a missed period and a positive pregnancy test. Otherwise, it’s pretty easy to talk ourselves into the possibility of pregnancy.
My hope is that you will be inspired to share your story. In whatever way that may be and whatever story is uniquely yours.
